While we often take it upon ourselves to teach our children about life, our children instinctively teach us HOW TO LIVE LIFE. For starters, Ms BB Lauren has taught me the following: (And she’s still going strong…)
Forgiveness
I’m not one to forgive, let alone forget. Well, until BB Lauren came along. See, the day she grew her first tooth, she taught me Forgiveness 101. The lesson went something like this – nursing time, cuddle, make eye contact, sing songs, smile, tickle and giggle, swiftly clamp down on nipple and laugh. Hysterically.
I believe she almost severed my nipple there and then. It hurt so bad, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I thought I would snap but I didn’t even scold her, I just told her firmly, “No no! No bite bite!” And placed her in her crib, turned my back on her while uncontrollably writhe, cry and wonder why this whole baby thing was a good idea.
The thing is, when I’m angry with Ray, I can go hours and even days without talking to him because I’m a cold, cold-blooded beast. But when Lauren was crying in her crib, I could hardly last 30 seconds without getting back to her, carrying her out, patting her back and telling her, “No bite bite, mummy pain pain. Ok?” And continue patting her while she screamed, kicked and poked my eye.
Now I know how Ray feels sometimes, “Why was it my fault again?”
Why? Because everyone makes mistakes and I would like her to be quick to forgive me or anyone else if I or whoever, unwittingly hurt her. If I can’t show her what forgiveness means, how and what will she learn? There may be the risk that she gets off too easily and repeats her sinister act, which she did like more than 10 times, oh Dear Lord.
BUT! She eventually learned that it’s not funny and she’d be put in the crib so she no longer bites, at least not consciously. Thank God.
Lesson taught? Forgive others so others can forgive us too.
Spontaneity
Once you decide to forgo contraception, you effectively enslave yourself for the foreseeable next 10 years or more. You are no longer a free man or woman. Your mornings, afternoons and evenings will cease to be yours. And your precious slumber, the one thing you never really thought about before having kids, will be forcibly destroyed night after night, by the frenzied wailing of your slave master.
And what comes next, depending on how resistant to change you are, will be a desperate attempt to restore normalcy by implementing some sort of routine plan to your baby. For parents with babies that stick to a nice routine of waking up past 8 hours of night-time sleep and day-time napping at predictable timings, you should immediately say a heartfelt prayer and thank God for blessing you with unicorns.
For the rest of us, we usually just hide in one corner and cry our eyes out.
Ms BB Lauren decided that she wasn’t about to follow any sort of routine and when I had to spend 45 minutes trying to get her to nap for 30 minutes, the odds were ever in my favor. NOT!!!
So we threw the plan out the window. I just went about my day, doing whatever I wanted and she’d be in the sling if she needed to nap. I didn’t even bother what time she napped anymore because, it really doesn’t matter. There was absolutely no pattern to which her naps affected her night-time sleep and it was so random I’d rather enjoy my time with her than wrestle her to sleep every day.
Lesson taught? Spontaneity is the rule and routines suck. Unless your baby is a champion sleeper than routines rule and hypocrisy wins the day. Sigh.
Trust
This is one of my favourite lessons by Ms BB Lauren. Well, from day one, unless she’s putting herself in serious danger (Think: edge of bed, knife-point, finger in socket) she was pretty much a free range baby.
It wasn’t easy at all. I had to watch her knock her head, slip, fall over, and pretend I didn’t see it. I had to restrain myself from running over to cushion her falls. I had to watch her climb over obstacles and wait for her to tumble over. I had to witness her poor choice of support when trying to stand up.
But each time she fell, she didn’t cry. I could tell she was shocked but she also learned something new about her surroundings. Now, before she pulls herself up, she would shake the object to see if it’s stable enough. Then observe and repeat until she was convinced she was making the right decision. It reminds me how the world is so new to her and there’s so much for her to learn, every second of her day.
She may still be a baby, but I don’t wish to constantly tell her what she should or should not do, because it undermines her judgement every time I do that. It is her life and I should trust her to experience it to the fullest. She learns best when she herself, has been there, done that, not when I warn her of things she cannot even fathom.
My hope is for her to learn to trust her own instincts because that will be a skill she needs when she grows up to pick her friends, decide on her job and choose her husband. I want her to be confident of her own decisions and she can only achieve that if she’s allowed to make some wrong ones along the way. My job is to be by her side and make sure she is always safe, offer her comfort when she needs me to and celebrate every new discovery she makes.
Lesson taught? To trust is to let go. Every wrong she makes today, will be done right tomorrow.
Stress Management
Consider this: You just spent the past 20 minutes preparing and steaming baby’s dinner, it’s time to get it out of the steamer. Baby starts wailing after she successfully distributes her toy collection across every inch of the living room. The courier guy suddenly pops by and tells you there’s a package you have to sign off, remember you went online shopping? Your phone rings. You’re taking too long and baby starts hyperventilating. You see your dog shredding the toilet roll, wait, who left the toilet door open? What do you do?
You immediately process the situation and prioritize! Every parent is an expert at stress management cos ain’t nobody gonna help you when you signed up for this whole baby gig!
You get your sh*t together, calmly take out baby’s dinner and turn off the fire. Pick up snot-faced baby and ignore frantic cries. Answer the call by balancing the phone between your ear and shoulder, while picking up a pen to sign off your package. And then kick the dog in his nuts. Haha of course not, you don’t have the time to go to jail for that. You just pray that somehow the shredded toilet roll vanishes.
Lesson taught? Don’t sweat the small stuff and JUST GET YOUR SHENANIGANS TOGETHER.
Laugh
I love how she smiles and laughs at every opportunity. She’d smile first thing when she wakes up. She’d smile when she sees Eski in the morning. She’d smile when Miu Miu comes over when she’s having her breakfast.
She’s just happy all the time, unless she’s hungry, tired or bored. We, adults, on the other hand, have plenty to be unhappy about. So it’s lovely how she can transport us to a space vacuum where there’s nothing but her silly smiles and giggles.
Most importantly, Ray and I have learned to laugh more. Nothing can prepare anyone for parenthood, not even the most dignified baby whisperer on earth because every little imp is a unique creation sent to earth so men and women who copulate can repent for their sins.
There would be times so trying, it’s easier to point the finger but what we’ve learned is far better: We just laugh. When we step on toy mines, we don’t explode, we just laugh and curse our unlucky stars. When BB Lauren learns how to lift the printer cover and remove all the paper, we laugh and marvel at her brilliance.
Lesson taught? Happiness is a choice and when you laugh, you’re making the right choice.
Love
Love is when someone carries BB Lauren away and no matter where she goes, she’d turn to look in my direction. Love is when she bumps her head and cries, but stops immediately once I pick her up. Love is when she showers me with her slobbery kisses when I say, “Kiss kiss mummy?”.
Love comes in the most unexpected ways. When I just got pregnant with BB Lauren, I used to ask Ray if he would love me or our daughter more. Being the insecure, negative-maternal instincts scum of a woman, I was afraid I would lose his affection to our own daughter.
Then the most incredible thing happened, I fell head over heels in love with our daughter the moment I first carried her. Sigh, I still remember that moment, it was as if she cast a spell on me which hasn’t been lifted ever since. Now I fully understand why a mother’s love is the greatest.
I always thought love was about death. I used to think that I love Ray so much, that life would be meaningless without him therefore I would much rather die before he does. I don’t want to have to grieve over losing him.
After having Lauren though, my biggest fear is to die. Because I cannot imagine how devastated Lauren will be if she didn’t have her mummy and the mere thought of her growing up without me by her side reduces me to a bag of wet and salty tears. *Sob* Mummy loves you so much!!!
Lesson taught? If you love someone, you’d rather be the one left behind to grieve and drown in misery than for the other person to suffer the same.
So now, what lessons have your children taught you? Share!
Leave a reply